Am I just old or tired or just jaded……Why I can’t start or finish games
I find more and more I find myself going through my library and trying to figure out what to play. What is worse is I end up staring at the screen of all my installed games and trawling through my uninstalled games on all the different launchers and instead of spending my time playing games, the one thing I keep complaining I don’t have time to do, I end up scrolling and staring at a backlog designed to give me more hours of enjoyment than I have left on this earth. I have seen many videos that give advice on backlog completion and many of them are good solid advice, and I can see working. In many instances I envy streamers and YouTubers in that they have the time at least to play these games and I would love to speak to many of them and see if they struggle with decision paralysis as many of us do or if, because it is their job, they are able to by design look at games from earning potential as well as the level of fun and if this makes gaming any easier.
I am going to take my time writing this and really try to figure out, for myself as I believe this is a very personal problem with personal solutions, how I can go about getting back the motivation and impetus to play. I use these words because I realise it isn’t a lack of good games, or a lack of interest on my part to play theses games or games in general but rather trying to ensure I make the best use of my time. For instance it is a Sunday morning, everyone else is asleep in the house and instead of spending my quiet time where nobody will be asking me to do something or want to speak to me about something (usually at the worst possible time as I am about to kill that boss I have spent 1hr on and he and I bot have 1hp left!) I feel the strong urge to write an article nobody will read. I started this website because I started to feel the urge to write about the thing I love gaming and recently that urge to write is overshadowing actually playing games.
I also recently bought the ROG Xbox Ally X and I was really hyped to play games on it. I love my Steam Deck and this new device is simultaneously an upgrade and sidegrade at the same times in the options it opens up. I think Valve did amazing job with Steam OS and in many ways, it is better than the Windows version that is on the ROG Xbox but in many ways the Windows version is better, leading to the devices being similar but not the same. But I digress.
The Xbox handheld was a way to play games on the go and to play on the couch when I really couldn’t bring myself to play sitting at my desk, a downside that many console gamers site as a reason not to play on PC and one that they don’t seem to think that PC gamers feel. We do. I did do this on the Steam Deck but there were many times the game I wanted to play didn’t play nice with Linux or in order to play it I needed to jump through hoops to get it to work (games on any other storefront than Steam or on XCloud for Game Pass games for instance.) There is less of this on the Xbox handheld (although the Epic Games Store itself does not have any form of controller support but that is a topic for another rant.) And yet I still sat staring at my storefronts when it came time to install games on the device after the updates had completed. There are certain games that are on my list to complete so were immediate installs (Persona 5, Baldur’s Gate 3 and so on) and then there were games that I keep trying to get to but never seem to have the impetus to start. The other issue is I suck at using controllers so that automatically rules out a few types of games to install on the device, any games that require any form of aim to play, for instance, are out. I can use a controller for many kinds of games (soulslikes and metroidvanias for example) but I do struggle with certain games.
Essentially I spent all this money on an expensive PC and 2 handhelds and I feel I should be playing more games but for some reason I just cannot seem to decide on a game to play or if I am playing a game I find I am just not ‘feeling’ it and find myself either looking for another game to download and start (the most common feeling) or I move onto other games. I started by playing Persona 5, a game I am really enjoying, but having made it to where I defeated the boss with the bank as his Palace (only the third boss I know) I am finding that even the bits I enjoy are becoming tedious and I worry that, as it is a long game with many decisions, I will do something, or not do something as the case may be, that will make the end of the game unfulfilling.
Although I have had this concern for a few years now and unrelatedly have watched a few videos on YouTube and read a few pieces where people discussing this, I have never cracked down and worked through why I personally feel this way. I have agreed with many points people bring up in these pieces but have also disagreed with other points. So, I thought I would work through this and, as my memory is full of useless facts and has limited room in it, write it down to come back to.
The first thing I would like to make clear at the beginning is I am not tired of gaming in any way shape or form. I want to play games. There is a huge selection of games on my lists of games to play. I went through my Steam library a couple of years ago and added all the games I felt were the games I really wanted to play to a collection entitled: ‘Games to Play’. Such an original name I know but I feel it does what it says on the tin. I want to stress that this was not a full list of games I want to play but rather a shortlist of games I REALLY wanted to play. The list was almost 50 games long. Out of my 400 odd games in my Steam library this was a curated list with the aim of highlighting to myself when I was in trawling mode, that these were games to look at first. This did work to a certain extent. I have played a few of the games and have removed a few from the list but there still 47 left. That is just Steam not other launchers or storefronts. I have free games out the wazoo on GOG, Amazon Prime and Epic Game Store. I have 417 games in my Epic library alone, although many of those are duplicates of my Steam games and some of them are not necessarily games I want to play, but were my absolute favourite price, free. Then there is Game Pass. A contentious subject with many gamers I know, and I won’t get into any of that but will highlight that there is another huge selection of great games on here that I really want to play. The TLDR of this paragraph is that I still love gaming and want to play games but for various reasons I am working through I just cannot always bring myself to actually play.
Games I completed:
The first point I want to assess is a look at games I completed and why I did. There are not many games I have completed in my gaming lifetime relevant to the 43 years I have gamed. Many games serve their purpose and I play them to my own personal fulfilment and then move on. It used to be rare that I would be disappointed that I never finished a game, or I didn’t feel that I had got what I wanted from the game. This is a feeling that has increased recently and often I don’t feel that I had reached the point in a game where I wanted to complete more of the game, but I just lost interest or the drive to see it through to some form of completion. But for some games this does not happen. I actually see them through. Sometimes this is due to timing and I find I didn’t get distracted from the game so I was able to play the game to completion. Other times I just enjoyed the game from beginning to the end. Here is a long incomplete list of game I have completed that I remember.
- I played all the way through Greedfall. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. It was janky and the combat was a little repetitive, but I really enjoyed the story and the characters, although a little odd and they were often hit or miss, were generally interesting if not always written very well.
- I also completed Steelrising, an oddity as generally soulslikes tend to wear me down (more on that in the next section). I really liked how different the game was and again the story and setting were quite unique.
- The big one this year was Expedition 33. This was a masterpiece, and, on a sidenote, I feel it will be robbed for Game of the Year at Keighleyfest later on in the year in favour of his mate Kojima’s Death Stranding 2. Absolutely loved this game from beginning to end. There were difficult battles and many side quests (never completed as many of these as I would have liked but again more in the next chapter) but I saw credits and got both endings (the Verso ending was the better option if anyone cares on my opinion.)
- To my surprise I also completed Citizen Sleeper. I really enjoyed this game and although I felt I was dragging towards the end, the game came through and changed enough at the right time to have me persevere through until I made the final push which was enjoyable. The story and real feeling of the game was the main driver and there were enough mechanics and systems to make the game tick along.
- Stellar Blade was another game that managed to maintain my attention and no not for the reasons you might think. The game was beautiful to look at (again not for the reasons you are thinking) and mainly fun to play. The story was pretty generic as were the characters but there was something to it that had a charm and likability that many games seem to lack. There was a strong sense of Neir Automata to this game.
- Kingdom come deliverance 2 was a game I played from beginning to end for 102hrs. The story and characters in this were so well written and you always felt you were in the story and part of the adventure that you wanted to see each story beat to completion. As an added note they should have added a way to make Rosa Rothard a more permanent romance option. Don’t get me wrong, my girl Katherine was a strong choice but there is something about Rosa.
- It Takes Two was one of the best games I have played in my life. Split Fiction is good but It Takes Two was outstanding. I played the game through with my son and it was the only game that he repeatedly asked me to play with him and when we were done he asked to start over. We tried Split Fiction and although we enjoyed it (and he a little older and dad isn’t as cool anymore) it didn’t have the same vibe of goofiness and light-heartedness of It Takes Two. There was always something else to do, a new game to play, a new challenge to complete or a random competitive game that was more about fun that winning.
- The world of Harry Potter has never been a thing I have enjoyed. It has nothing to do with the author’s opinions or any other outside reason but rather down to the fact I never really found it interesting. Now my main exposure to the series was the movies but I have tried to read the books and I was never really that impressed with her writing and feel she gets credit for her world when really it is just reused assets and ideas from other writers. All that said I really enjoyed Hogwarts Legacy. You need to take it from where it comes. It is still in her generic world (the school itself is cool though) but the developers really went out of their way to create a world that feels alive and has long, varied history and a perceivable future and where you just feel that you are a part of said world and that the world is still happening around you. You feel like you as a character can stand still for days on end and do nothing and things will happen around you. Even if it is only perception, it is difficult to do as often it feels as if NPCs are standing there waiting for you to do or say something in order for them to say their line or give their quest. This feels like if they ask you to do something it is because they need it done and you just happen to be an option. People who gave this game a wide berth I would encourage them to give it a try. I understand your grievances but you are missing out on a great game.
- Hobbs Barrow was a short enough game that didn’t take its time and got their story across with succinctness and conciseness. A good game if a little weird and not actually fulfilling in its ending. The developers design decision for sure.
- Horizon Zero Dawn was just a really good game. I am one of the people that actually liked it, and I feel the criticisms of the game are unjustified. I can see why people would not like the game, but I feel they don’t know why they don’t like it. I can see that after a time you could say it is like all the Sony games but I kind of feel that it was one of the first crop of games like this and is suffering from all the future games being like it and the few other games that came out around the time. There is also the fact that there are now just too many of these style games. I enjoyed the world and many of the characters (fair justification of some of the criticism it faces for some of the characters being generic or 2 dimensional).
- The new Jedi Fallen Order and Survivor games were really good. There are fair criticisms about the games but they didn’t overstay their welcome, weren’t afraid to tackle difficult story options and they created a good balance to difficulty.
- Lost in Random was another game that was just interesting. Different mechanics and a good story and it has a kind of Double Fine feel to the game that I really enjoy. They deal with darker story beats very well and although not difficult as such it requires skill to complete the puzzles and fights you encounter.
- Neir Automata is a game that if it isn’t, it should be used to teach people how to make games. It is one of the few games where I had to complete all the various endings available. When I finished the game and found out there was not only more endings but diverse endings, I sighed and thought ‘I really don’t want to replay the game and rehash all the same story beats’ and then found out quickly that that is really not the case at all and the replaying of the game isn’t just different perspectives, but rather change the game and the story fundamentally to the point that if you didn’t do all the endings, as mundane and senseless as that seems to people like me, you haven’t played the game. This game is a masterclass in games development and story creation.
- Graveyard keeper was just easy to complete. No mechanic or story beat overstayed it’s welcome. You always had a goal and direction to be heading in, everything you did had a purpose and you never felt like your time was being wasted or the thing you were currently doing was included to extend the game even though I played it for 73hrs.
- Biomutant. I have no idea why I completed this game. It is not that it wasn’t fun, or that I didn’t enjoy my time with the game, on the contrary I did enjoy the game but there was really nothing new here and the mechanics that set it apart were not as fleshed out as they should have been. The genetics were lacklustre and needed to be more impactful and the Gun-Fu, although interesting and a good idea, was not as robust and diverse as it really should have been. This is effectively the epitome of a game that should have been better and was a missed opportunity.
- Outriders is basically the same as Biomutant in that the mechanics that really could have set it apart were not diverse enough to actually set it apart. Again I did enjoy the game and although it was designed as a games as a service game which in my opinion hindered the game, it felt lacklustre in the end and like it missed the mark slightly and really could have been a great game. Another missed opportunity.
This is not a complete list by any measure but rather a quick rundown of some of the games I completed. The next list will be bigger by far. As it is a much bigger list I think I will rather create game genres or categories and isolate why I predominantly don’t complete certain games.
Games I never completed
This is a huge list of games, but I will try to categorise into similar group them as I feel that there is a link between types of games and why I don’t complete them.
- Stratagy games in general require a lot of time and effort to learn systems and processes. These are the Civ games and games like them (Ara, Humankind, Paradox games like Stellaris, the Endless games by Amplitude Studios and so on). I haven’t been a fan of the Civilization franchise for years and in my opinion the original Civilizations was the best only as it was so new and completely different from all the other games of the time, but this is just personal. The Amplitude games are by far and away the most beautiful games, and the UI implementation is beyond a masterpiece. But in essence, these games are fun, and I love them as one of my favourite genres, but I just don’t have the time or the inclination to learn each ones idiosyncrasies and nuances. It requires a process of playing and replaying the games to get better. This takes dedication and as a requirement means you miss out on other opportunities to play other games.
- Soulslikes are a game genre that I have a visceral love hate relationship with. This is across the board from the From Soft original Dark Souls (I am on PC so no Deamon Souls), to Sikero and Elden Ring and right through to the copycat games from other developers like Lies of P, Nioh, The Surge and Mortal Shell. This also includes games that are not soulslike but share much of its DNA but are at heart action RPGS like Wuchang Fallen Feathers, Black Myth Wukong, Code Vein, the Star Wars Jedi games, Rise of the Ronin and so on. I have started Dark Souls 5-6 times and never got further than the Bell Guardian who I killed but when I went down from the starting bonfire, I lost the will to play. Whenever people complain about these games the ‘Get Gud’ Brigade come out in full force to belittle and minimise people’s ability, persistence and perseverance and use the excuse that maybe it is just not a game for you. I don’t think this is always true or a reflection on everybody’s experience of these games. Sure, the games are hard and sure I take a little longer than seasoned Souls Gamers to complete bosses and areas, but this is not what stops me playing these games. The difficulty is the tip of the iceberg of my issue with these games. I enjoy the experience and triumph of beating that boss or clearing that area but the main issue I come up with is fatigue. The game fatigues me in a way that I just cannot get over. I will play the game for hours (30hrs in Sekiro, 67hrs in Wukong, 40hrs in Rise of the Ronin and my personal embarrassment 111hrs in Elden Ring over 2-3 installs and uninstalls) but after a time I will just be tired of the game. It is not that the game is difficult, it is more that the difficulty doesn’t add in any way to the sense of pride or satisfaction at beating a difficult boss as I know full well that there is not only another difficult boss to defeat, but difficult enemies, sub bosses and optional bosses. The game revolves around difficulty to the point that it becomes numbing and, quite frankly, boring. It is the soul (no pun intended but gratefully accepted) purpose of the game. The lore in general is hidden away from you in item descriptions and behind a secret wall that someone randomly finds. The story in general is like an added afterthought. This is where Elden Ring was so popular and was the exception to the rule as the story was more front and centre and the lore was more accessible. But the mundaneness of the difficulty is something I personally just cannot get over as the game is incredibly fun for the first little while, but it slowly drains my will to play the game. All this proves is that I really want to like these games and am looking for that one game that holds my interest. I thought it was Lies of P as I think it is the best soulslike out there for me personally, but even that fatigued me in the end.
- Long story games are the next category on my list. These are a difficult one to parse out why I stop playing some and not others. I think the amount of filler is an obvious reason and I feel that is definitely a factor. I think this can often be irrelevant to how fun or interesting the filler can be. There is truth in the fact that you can play 60hrs of a game that is just story and it will be different to 60hrs of another game that has a great story as well as great filler and find the first option more interesting. But I do feel that the opposite can be true as well. I feel these are the most difficult for me to figure out why I get reluctant to play them or get bored and want to move on. Filler in games often makes me feel like I will miss out on something interesting and defining for this game if I don’t make an effort to complete them. Games like the Witcher 3, Cyberpunk and all the Ryu Ga Gotoku games, from the Like a Dragon franchise and Judgement, all have detailed, well written and often the most hard hitting and emotional stories hidden away in these side quests and mini narratives. This leads to a situation where I try to complete as many side quests as I can and end up getting bogged down in the weeds. This leads to fatigue and thus me moving on. Again this is not an indication of the quality of the game in any way and like I said sometimes I can never get to feel this way about a game that is not as well written or plainly as interesting (Biomutant is a great example of this when compared to the Yakuza or Persona games.) There is I suppose an element of repetitive themes in the game itself which may be a factor in my leaving the game (this would track with my soulslike games as well). Most of these games have a thread of similarity running through them where the world is uniform or at the very least constant in theme and presentation, that maybe I grow tired of this over time. I completed The Witcher 3 (but didn’t complete 1 + 2) and Cyberpunk but the later needed me to return to it in order for me to complete it, whereas games like the Persona, Assassin’s Creed, WE Happy Few, Scarlet Nexus and Yakuza games are all the type of game that at some point becomes a slog to get through even though I am immensely enjoying them.
- Games that I feel you can mess up or not get the ‘good ending’ just by not completing things in the correct order or not completing certain objectives. Examples of this are games with different romance options (Mass Effect or Persona games), games that have different endings (again Persona games and Disco Elysium) or games that have secrets in them that are easy to miss if you do not do a completionist run or follow a guide. I hate using a guide and prefer to organically work my way through a game which leads to a concern that I will miss something important. I don’t tend to replay games and I want to get the ‘intended’ experience and many of these games so while multiple endings are clever and thoughtful they are not conducive to me completing them.
- Games that feel they will never end are kind of different from games that are too long. These are the games with a Columbo style ‘just one more thing’. Games where you are just about to complete the game and it goes ‘oh no they did this so start this next section’. These are games that I feel are easier for me to let be. They feel as if they are just wating your time. Now this is a personal preference, and some people will love this, but it is not really my style unless really well done
- Metroidvanias are similar to Souldlike games. There is so much backtracking and waiting to get this power or skill. I play these games and really enjoy them up to point but there comes a time when I just put the controller down and walk away and then I am done. There are notable exceptions to this rule where I regret that I cannot complete them (Hollow Knight and Ori being the best examples) but even though I played both of these games a lot, I just could not bear to go back to that area one more time just to move forward. Again, this is a personal even though I loved the game and the mechanics and so on.
- Roguelikes and Roguelites are a genre I have really tried to get into. There have been games I have absolutely adored (Hades, Dead Cells, Balatro, Sifu, the list goes one) and in general I really like the games. But the repetitive nature of them eventually gets to me. I defeated Hades but I know that is not the end but couldn’t continue to find out what. Sifu was so interesting but after I died quite a few times the thought of starting again was just too much of an inconvenience. I completed Blue Prince (as in I opened the final room) and I played more of this probably than any other Roguelite, but I think the difference to me was this was a puzzle game and not a action game and you never really ‘lost’ anything when you died as the carry over was information. The issue with Blue Prince and why I didn’t go any further was the randomness of the game. I couldn’t focus on what I wanted to do because it was so reliant on getting the correct rooms and items in order to get the outcome I was wanting to. There were so many rooms I had the solutions to but couldn’t complete it as I could never quite get the right combinations of things. This I think is true of most roguelikes or roguelites The randomness and inability to have control over what you want to achieve and be a servant to the fates is frustrating especially when you have limited time. Also Blue Prince is fun as a co op game and the more the merrier at one stage I had both my kids, my wife, my brother and his kids working on various problems in the house.
I wanted to also add the games I didn’t complete but came back to and completed. These include games like games like Dishonered and Cyberpunk. Dishonered suffered from it being too long and me wanting it to complete the story. People always speak about games overstaying their welcome. I really liked Dishonered from the art style to the narrative and story beats. I just got to a point and kind of petered out in interest. I came back a few years later and forced myself to push through. I found out I was 30mins from the end. I had to go through a door down through an area and there was the end. This is probably the first time I was actively thinking about why did I not just finish this? I didn’t not finish Cyberpunk because I had issues on release, although I did suffer from some of the issues people reported, but rather due to the fact there was too much to do mentality. There are so many good side quests in Cyberpunk. It just became so vast and as much as I enjoyed living in that world I found I was going around completing the cyberpsychosis quests and doing busy work rather than actually getting on with the game. When they released Phantom Liberty I again made a conscious effort to go back, start over from the beginning and finish it. I enjoyed it so much more the second time around (and yes, the Phantom Liberty DLC was the best part of the game) even though I was completing the same quests and many more. Sure, the game was better but that was not what stopped me playing the game. I completed it the second time and if I am completely honest, I loved the game, hated the endings. They were not as impactful as the Phantom Liberty endings. Another good example of this was Kingdom Come Deliverance. This was a fantastic game. The first time I played it I found the systems and mechanics in the game difficult to learn and janky. I enjoyed the game as a whole package but found it to be a little slow and that it dragged. When the second one was announced I decided I wanted to go back to it and play it again. What a difference. The game was amazing and once I got used to the systems the more they made sense. In the end it ended up being one of my favourite games of all time. The link between all these games is that they are all long, story rich, system heavy RPGs that require time and attention span. I am not sure what changed between the first time I played them to when I played them again or if the first time I played them and learned the game had an impact on the second time but the second time I felt more motivated to complete the game and was certainly more invested in the game.
Some games I want to play with friends. I don’t want to join some random people on the internet as that is not my style, and I do realise I lose out by not doing so. All the gamers I know are busy, we can never find time to pay together, or we just end up wanting to play different games. I joined a group of my friends, and we mainlined Valheim for a couple of weeks. One person paid for a private server, and it was nice to jump on and someone was there or you were alone and had busy work to do and suddenly someone would join you. One of the group hadn’t played before so we all enjoyed him finding things out for the first time and revelled in his excitement at the great game. This is predominantly what will happen if I play with friends, we go deep into a game then someone will not be able to make it for a few days and slowly everyone will leave. Then we will be back to trying to find a game to play together and not agreeing on what we feel like. There are many games I would like to try such as Arc raiders, Return to Moria, V Rising (I have played this solo but I think it would be more fun in the end game as a group), Helldivers 2 to name a few. I am not a PVP guy at all I much prefer PVE.
A Few of my games are in early access and I really want to play the full experience. Valheim is a good example, and I have started and re-started a few times now. I played the game nonstop when it initially came out and have dipped in a few times since then. This is also a game like Stardew Valley where it feels like a comfort game. A game where you know what to expect and it isn’t about newness or finding things or completion but rather about doing mundane things like cutting down trees and building with no real pressure.
One phenomenon I have come across is games that were in early access that I could not wait to play and are now out and I just can’t get to them. Satisfactory, Stranded Deep are examples of this. I added Satisfactory onto my Wishlist as soon as I saw it. I waited for it to come out and, barring its little trip to the Epic Games Store, I got it as soon as I could. I haven’t touched it once since I got it. I played a few times in early access when they had demos and playtests and really enjoyed it. Every time I look at it I just don’t start it. I even downloaded it a few times but never even loaded it up. It is also a game I would like to play with friends as I do feel from the little I played that it would be more fun that way, but this is not the driving reason I haven’t played it. This is the worry I have for Hello Games new Light no Fire game.
Some games need a steep learning curve and I don’t have the energy or time to do this even though I know they are great games. These include games that have some overlap with other categories. Games like Sifu, any online shooter or multiplayer game and Dark and Darker. I just would like to be able to give these games the time they deserve as the systems and mechanics are not difficult but rather complex and time consuming to perfect.
This is kind of part one of this. This was more a mental amalgamation of the games I have played and a detailing of the reasons I did or did not finish them. It was also to figure out what made me feel I could put something down and feel comfortable that I was done with it. I want to rewatch some of these YouTube videos to see if I can deduce anything from them and see if they actually pertain to what I feel when I stare at my games library.